I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
