You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
