i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
did i walk over a car last night?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
