I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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