i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize