meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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