I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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