It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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