I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
