Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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