I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize