So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
