also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
