he shaved USA in his pubs
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
