adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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