I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
