she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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