I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
