when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
