Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
