I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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