I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
