I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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