Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
