The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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