She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
