when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
