He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
