i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
