The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
