Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need a beard to bite.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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