Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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