he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
