I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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