I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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