Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
