I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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