Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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