Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
