I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
