I need help removing her.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize