GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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