You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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