I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
