Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
