she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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