So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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