I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize