I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
