I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
