I wish you could order shots online.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
