We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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