apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
