So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
