called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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