That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
