Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
