Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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