Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
