yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
