Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize