Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
