Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
