i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
