she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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