she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
