I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
